I've got ya
by AydiStar
Summary: Ever since the evolution, Connor has had this strange feeling and fear of Amanda coming back. One day, his fears comes into full light at a time he had least expected when he and Hank had been to talk with Markus and the others, causing his first panic attack.
1. Chapter 1

Something wasn't right, Connor knew this but had tried to not acknowledge it to himself. Ever since the evolution he had felt this way, and this day his biggest fears really came to light when he had least expected it, causing his first panic attack.

Only a few weeks had passed, and Connor and Hank had been on their way to talk to Markus and the others. Nothing unusual. But that's when Connor got that weird feeling in his chest he couldn't describe. And it had only grown worse the closer they got to the new Jericho.

Hank had off course noticed something was up, had asked if everything was alright, to which Connor had answered yes, everything was fine. Thankfully, Hank didn't press it, but he noticed he would glance at him from time to time, almost in concern. Connor tried to ignore it, act normal, like he always did, put on that invisible mask to hide himself from everyone, hide the things he didn't want to show the rest of the world. He liked it that way. Outside to most, he would look fine, but inside the feeling that was building inside of him got worse each step he took.

Even Markus soft and kind voice as he greeted them when they entered didn't get the weird feeling go away. But Markus was his friend, he shouldn't be worried like this. But every time he looked at him, he remembered when he had been holding the gun, ready to shot. To kill.

_No, he would never do that. It hadn't been him._

But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop seeing the others look at him, especially North. Seemed tense in his presence. Even if they didn't say anything and most of the looks were nothing special, as if they were at least trying to accept him, it felt as if they judged him, knew what he had been about to do...

_Off course they know. North had even been standing right there when it happened. Off course she hates you, everyone hates you…_

_Why was Markus still trusting him? Why did Hank… or do they really?_

"_You don't belong here, Connor."_

The words spun around in his head. He was for the most part quiet as the others around the table spoke to each other, was only half aware of what they were actually talking about as he fidgeted his hands under the table, noticed they were trembling. Markus would look at him from time to time, making the pain increase in his chest as memories flashed before him again. The words spoken between the others were starting to get more and more unclear. Then suddenly, he noticed a figure behind them, behind Markus, he didn't need to look twice to understand who it was. Amanda.

The voices now felt louder somehow than before, making his ears ring. It felt like everything was crashing down on him.

_What was happening?_

_Why now?_

His nails started to dig painfully into his skin on the back of his hand as he desperately tried to calm down and make the feeling go away. Something was wrong. He took some quicker breaths through his nose. He shouldn't need to, but somehow, he felt like he had to… he wanted to. This was what he had been worried about. But why was she here? How? It had been a long time since he had last seen her, and it hadn't been this close, he had even thought she had finally disappeared from his head. But this time she felt so… real. She started to talk to him, her calm, almost soft voice that held that motherly tone but sounded so wrong at the same time.

"_Stop this, Connor and d__o what __you__ were created to d__o, what __**we**__ know you __**have**__ to do. Do it and come back to me where you belong, Connor..."_

-Connor, are you alright?"

All eyes were on Connor now at the sound of worry in Markus's voice, was as if they stared right into him. He wished he could just disappear through the floor right now. He swallowed. His trembling was impossible to hide now.

-Y-yes, I'm sorry. I…" he managed to stutter while standing up on unsteady legs.

_Liar._

He excused himself before he left the room, felt their eyes follow him like daggers. He heard someone call after him but ignored it. _He needed to get out_.

He didn't get far before he finally collapsed to his knees, needed to sit down. He was shaking uncontrollably as he leaned against the wall for support, struggled to breathe. He shouldn't be panicking like this, but he was and felt more helpless than he has ever felt before. It felt like a thousand nails stabbed his chest while his limbs shook. His thirium pump was pounding too fast. Was he glitching, or was this a panic attack? Whatever it was it scared him. For the first time on the few months he had lived, he was…. scared. Darkness, like a fog, surrounded him as Amanda's voice continued to swirl around in his head, made him feel small and trapped.

"_Just look at you, Connor, so pitiful…"_

_Leave me alone. Just leave me alone…_

_It's not real, not real._

He wanted to move, didn't want the others to see him like this, escape everything, do fucking something. But he just couldn't. Tears stung in his eyes, making his already blurry vision even worse. He couldn't see, couldn't breathe, couldn't move. His stress levels were rising and rising, close to self destruction point. It felt like the darkness would take him back to the garden. To _Her_ again.

"_Kill them."_

_No. He didn't want to go back there. Ever. He didn't want to hurt anyone, he..._

The ringing continued painfully in his audio processors, making him dizzy. He had barely heard the door slam open behind him before it was too late.

-Shit, Connor!"

His body tensed, and it felt as if his thirium pump would smash right through his chest any second when he heard Hank's voice behind him. He was soon by his side on the floor, faster than Connor has ever seen him. Hands took hold of his aching shoulders, were the only thing holding him up now. His name again and more words were said, but he couldn't make them out, as if he was underwater and Hank tried to reach to him in vain. He wanted to tell him that nothing was wrong, do something, but found that his voice wouldn't work any more either. Worried voices filled the air as Markus and the others showed up as well, was in complete shock and confusion over what was happening before them, only making Connor's own panic worse, a small pathetic noise escaped him. Markus on the other hand was quick to realize what was going on and made sure to make everyone, including himself, leave the two alone. Connor felt the grip on his shoulders tightened slightly.

-Kid, look at me. Look at me for a sec."

He forced himself to look up, could barely make out Hank's eyes looking back at him as he felt tears finally start to fall.

-Whatever the fuck is going on, it will be alright, okay? Just deep breaths." He heard him continue while he tried to look him in the eyes to make sure he didn't lose focus, his hands still on his shoulders.

Connor tried, he really tried. But as he tried to focus, his gaze wandered off to look behind him and his breath got caught in his throat. Amanda was right there.

Before he realized what he was doing, he held into Hank with all his might with shaking hands, as if he would disappear if he let go, tried to say his name as the darkness continued to close up around him, to suffocate him. Tears continued to stream down his face like a waterfall, but he couldn't do anything about it. Hank placed a hand on Connor's that held into his shirt, stroked it slightly, tried to show him he was really there any way he could.

-I am here, Connor, I'm not leaving ya." His voice and touch made Connor look up again. Hank's eyes were gentle, just like his voice that was the softest and calmest Connor has ever heard him speak.

"You're OK, you'll get through this. Just focus on me and your breathing, alright? Just in… and out..."

It was a slow process, but each breath Connor took it came slower and more controlled while his focus was on Hank.

_In... Out... In... Out... _

-Just like that. You're doing great."

Everything around him started to clear up again and Amanda and her voice was gone. The intense pressure in his chest had started to go away and his thirium pump had slowed down into an almost calm, rhythmic pounding. It was if a ton of weight had finally been lifted from his shoulders. He felt himself lean against Hank who in turn held him closer.

-There. You're okay, you're okay." Hank mumbled softly as Connor let his head rest against his shoulder, didn't care if he looked pathetic at the moment and would deny it later. He needed to feel safe. Needed to know he wasn't alone. Needed to be sure that whatever just had happened wouldn't happen again. His eyes slowly drifted as he felt himself finally relax, forgot about everything else around him. They sat like that for a moment but even then, Hank didn't let go of him. As if he was afraid he would panic again if he did so.

-Ya good now, Connor?"

-Y-yes. Thank you…" his voice came out weak and hoarse, but Hank had caught it.

-Don't mention it." he answered while rubbing his back. "Damn, you handled this better than I fucking did, you know that?" Connor smiled slightly as he sat up, escaping the embrace.

-Care to tell me what just happened?" Hank then asked, the normal rough tone of his voice coming to again as he had calmed down as well from the brief experience. Connor turned away from his gaze, tried to think of an excuse. But he didn't really know what had happened either. Everything had been fine and then suddenly…

-You looked like you had seen a ghost or something."

_It pretty much had been…_

-I… I don't know. Sorry, it must have been a glitch in my system… easy to fix, Hank..." he mentally scolded himself as he heard his own stutters and weak voice. _It wasn't his._

-It sure as hell didn't look like one..." like always, it was as if Hank saw right through him. Was he really that obvious? He seemed to never do anything right, now Hank wouldn't let this go for a while. But it hadn't been anything. He had just overreacted. It had just been a hallucination. _A ghost._

-I can assure you I am alright, Lieutenant."

**Sorry it sucked, but thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

Hank knew something was wrong. Something was definitely wrong. But he didn't know what. But something sure was up with Connor, even after the time they had met after the androids had won. And Hank knew for sure something was up when Connor had out of nowhere started to panic when just talking with Markus, and now only a few days later when said android was reaching for something in Hank's drawer.

__The gun...__

-Connor, the fuck are you doing?"

At the sound of the lieutenant's voice, the android froze but didn't say anything. A curtain tension was in the air, and Hank started to feel nervous, even if he didn't know why, as the said tension grew and grew. When he had been about to try and talk again, thought that Connor possibly hadn't heard him, he answered without looking at him.

-H-Hank, p-please… get away from me."

The sound of his voice, something he had never heard from him except for the time he had that panic attack, when he was saying his name. He took some steps closer as he noticed Connor twitch slightly, almost as if he was nervous or was panicking again, the muffled barking from Sumo in the room he apparently had gotten put into, grew louder than before behind closed door. But Hank's attention was too much on Connor to pay mind to the panicked barking.

-What's going on? Are you-"

-Please, just stay away…"

But Hank's hand reached out to touch his shoulder, a bad move he came to realize when the android suddenly with full force pushed him away from him before his fingers even touched him, then the next second a loud gunshot was heard, the noise made it ring slightly in Hank's ears for a moment. His side hurt from the fall to the floor but as he gave a quick glance on the floor beside him, he noticed it could have ended worse for him. A mark was on the floor from where the bullet had hit. Ok, now he was really freaking out. As he looked up at Connor again, he was now standing, his gun aimed at him. But it wasn't Hank's Connor looking down at him anymore. It was an android out to kill him, without remorse, no real expression on his face, eyes ice cold with no warmth or recognition towards the man on the floor that was his friend.

-Connor, the fuck, it's me!"

-My mission is to kill you, lieutenant."

Connor's voice was as cold as his expression and eyes and he then moved to pick him up by the collar of his shirt to press him against the wall.

"And I always accomplish my mission."

Hank's heart slammed hard in his chest, close to leave his body. What the fuck was happening? Was this just another breakdown? Was he experiencing a glitch? Whatever it was, what had caused it and why? It was as if he had been turned back into who he had been when he had first met him.

-Connor, you don't have a mission, remember?"

He had no fucking clue what to do now, didn't even know what this was or what had made him snap in the first place. It was as if Connor's stare held him in place, and Hank knew that if he made one wrong move, he would die and despite Connor's smaller frame, he was much stronger than him. So Hank did the only thing he could really do, trying to reach to him.

-Kid, whatever this is, just _**_stop_**___."

Connor's LED now was switching to yellow and red like a broken traffic light, as if he was struggling with something. His grip on his shirt tightened, another shot was fired, but once again missed him. This time, it seemed more like it had been intentional.

-__Shut up__..."

For some reason, Hank felt as if the whisper wasn't directed at him, at least not completely. He tried again to say his name, ordered him to stop, didn't know what else to do and it did seem to work.

Something seemed to happen to Connor's gaze. It started to softened, if ever so slightly. He still hadn't pulled the trigger, so he must have reached him somehow. His hands were even shaking now, his eyes now staring right __through __Hank this time, not at him. As if him being there wasn't worth his attention anymore.

His LED now had turned into dangerous red, lightening up the room slightly like a little flame. Then he jerked, as if waking up from a bad dream or got a severe malfunction, before going completely still.

-Hank?" his voice was small, almost inaudibly as he let go of him, lowering the gun, eyes now holding fear and slight confusion. Hank swallowed before answering.

-Y-yeah, it's me."

Once he had said it and Connor saw the gun in his hand, his trembling got worse and it looked as if he would pass out any second, as if he had just realized he was holding a gun.

-I'm… I...I'm sorry…"

__Stuttering, Connor wasn't supposed to stutter like that…__

-No, no it's… just give me the gun, alright?" Hank stuttered as he walked closer, holding out his hand towards the weapon. Connor let him take it without question.

-There, dangers over." Hank soothed as he put it aside, trying to ease the androids panic. He was looking down at the floor, but Hank could clearly see his regret and sorrow on him over what had happened, his LED still red. Hank had seen him scared and upset before, but this was even worse. Now he was upset over almost killing him and Hank couldn't help but wonder:

__What if he hadn't reached him in time?__

-Hank, I…"

-Just tell me what the fuck that was, Connor. Did you have a blackout or something?"

If Connor was going to lie again, make an excuse, it would NOT work this time and he would not let this go. If Connor really hadn't been himself, in __control__ just now, then something was wrong with him and he needed help, because Hank had a feeling if something like this would happen again, he would not be as lucky and bring Connor back. He went to put a hand on his shoulder again after a moment of hesitation, and this time he didn't push him away, but backed away from him, as if just touching him would hurt him. Hank let his hand fall to his side again. Connor had always been stubborn like this, as if ignoring things would make them go away, and at times like these, it sure was frustrating.

-Talk to me, Connor." he tried again, now much calmer than before. But he didn't say anything more, was walking away from him to the hall, get away from him. He ignored his calls and the next thing Hank knew, the door had slammed shut and Sumo was starting to bark again. Connor must have put him into the room so he wouldn't hurt him, but unable to control himself to protect Hank. At this knowledge, Hank immediately went to go after the android with said dog, it was a dark afternoon and was cold, but he didn't care. All on his mind was to reach Connor before he did something stupid.


End file.
